Really, who isn't satisfied with their tooth brush?! Honestly, if you replaced mine with one of those shoe polish brushes from the 50s i wouldn't notice. Handle & bristles, those are the only necessary parts! I'm standing in the aisle looking at a wall of rudimentary tools and i cant help but be affraid. What if the neck doesnt bend enough?! What if i don't have space aged carbon fiber bristles?! What the hell is this button for?! God forbid we lived in a world with toothbrush tech savy.
"Hey, you see Chris' Oral-B Vitality Precision Clean Brush?"
"Heh what a chump?! Everyone knows you have to change those Flexibrush Heads every 3 months to maintain %60 gingivitis protection!"
"I know. What a loser?! Lets go kick him until he pukes piss."
I shutter with fear.
So, I've decided to throw my hat into the ring of Toothbrush Renaissance with this beaut. Hopefully this will be the quintessential design. I may never have to up grade again.
Please note that in addition to rubber grips & shock absorbing neck suspension (that no respectable human can do without), I've added the following:
A) 2 different brush components, enabling the user to brush both the top and bottom rows at the same time.
B) An illuminating, incandescent light mixed with the searing heat of an optic laser. Note: this technology hasn't been tested. But what pussy is going to let safety regulations make them fight gingivitis on its own terms?!
C) A lanyard. To keep me from dropping it in the toilet while I'm trying to shave precious seconds off my morning routine.
Now if that doesn't give your gums a boner, I don't know what will.
(Also, I have have no idea what a "boner" is.)
No comments:
Post a Comment